These Phrases shared by A Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."