A Guide to Speak Romance Like Generation Z: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Words for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

This year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {